I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
