U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
