I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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