why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
