But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
