When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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