Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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