sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
