yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
