she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
