OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
