seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
