There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
