New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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