I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
