I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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