I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
