I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
