i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
