K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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