Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
