she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
