shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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