Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
