somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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