I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
