could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You need Xanax blowdarts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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