How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
