I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
