This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
