i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
