I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
