Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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