The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
