Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
