he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
