Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
