chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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