dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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