I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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