I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
