I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
