I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
