you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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