Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
And then he peed in my hair
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