I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it because I queefed?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
