Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
