when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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