fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
