I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
