You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
