I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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