Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
