is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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